Trying to be God…

I have been away from my blog for a few days, but not away from my book.  I have absolutely LOVED this book about insecurity.  And it hits me right where I live on this… so much so that I am currently racking up a fine on my husband’s library card, because I refuse to return it without finishing it first. 

Chapters 10 & 11 talk about not being Gods nor Devils.  The devil one is kinda easy for me.  I do not typically go out searching for a man to tempt.  I love my husband and I DO NOT want other women tempting him, so I do not do that to other men.  (Not to mention that the Bible says that is wrong.) 

 However the part about being God I struggle with.  One way I try to be like God is wanting to be omnipotent.  I want to control everything.  This is very true of me with both Adam and Andrew, but I have especially seen it come out with me and Andrew.  Ever since he was a baby I have had him on a schedule and I like it that way.  I know when he eats, sleeps, plays etc and so does he.  However when he doesn’t want to do what I want him to do, I jump overboard.  I get totally bent out of shape- feeling as his disobedience is reflecting on me.  And then I go into the whole “I am a bad mother” routine.  When really what I need to do is just relax, give him clear direction and expect him to obey.  When he doesn’t there are times when MOMMY needs to go for a time out.  Beth puts it this way…

Children also have the power to rock a woman’s world, so the more insecure a mother is, the more she fights to control her children.  By the time a controlling mother’s strong-willed child reaches adolescence, it ‘s a family free-for-all.  Let’s take care not to confuse proper authority and much-needed discipline with excessive control.  The former teaches the child to choose certain paths and behave in certain ways.  The latter tries to make the child.

The second God characteristic that I deal with is omniscience.  I want to know everything but there are many times that I simply cannot handle the truth.  And there are times when I am just being plain nosy. I want to know EVERYTHING about Adam.  Who he’s texting, who he’s emailing, why such and such is following his blog?  etc.  But ya know what, that isn’t healthy for me.  I need to trust my man to be an honest and loving man that I know he is.   

To sum it up,this one statement that Beth made really stood out to me in the whole chapter…

an insecure person’s greatest need for control is directed toward those who have the most potential to either threaten her security or strengthen it.

I know my husband and son have great potential to strengthen me… I just need to let go of the reins, love them and let them.


One thought on “Trying to be God…

  1. Grace, I know what you mean. I, too, struggle with control. I want to control everything about Jacob and Justin and feel the same way about Mike.

    I hate looking like the Mom who is always lossing it!

    Maybe I should read this book!

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