So I discovered another root of insecurtiy that hits big with me…PRIDE. Here is an excerpt of Beth’s section on pride…
All of the blows of life aside and every other root yanked out of the ground, we wrestle with insecurity because we wrestle with pride. Give some thought to the glaring connections between the two:
- We’re not the only women’s in our men’s lives, and that hurts our pride.
- We’re not the most gifted people alive, and that hurts our pride.
- We’re not the first choice every time, and that hurts our pride.
- We can’t do everything ourselves, and that hurts our pride.
- We’re not somebody else’s top priorty, and that hurts our pride.
- We don’t feel special, and that hurts our pride.
- We don’t get the promotion, and that hurts our pride.
- We don’t win the fight, and that hurts our pride.
- We’re not paid what we’re worth, and that hurts our pride.
- We not paid at all, and that really hurts our pride.
…Just because pride fills a heart doesn’t keep it from breaking. It just keeps it from healing. pg. 101
The highlighted ones apply most to me.
Like everytime I hear my son say, “I want my Nana!” I know he isn’t trying to hurt me, but it does. I am his mother for pete’s sakes. He should want ME.
When the teenagers turn to someone else with all their problems, that hurts too. I want to be the one they can run to to talk. But I know that is pride. The other sponsors are there for them just as much or more than I am.
When my husband has a million things to do in one weekend and I realize that I have to take the backseat, that hurts my pride. I know that his love for me hasn’t changed, but that his schedule is such that other things are priority and it hurts.
When I hear, “it is just another day” on my birthday, anniversary or Valentines Day or Mother’s Day etc etc… it hurts because that is not the way I look at. And I hate it that that is the way MY husband looks at it.
But ya know what, God, all of that is pride. And I ask for forgiveness. Because I don’t want to be prideful and I don’t want to struggle with insecurity anymore. And the only way out is open and honest confession. So here it is, I struggle with pride.
Beth ends the section on pride this way…
Fortunately, pride is not hard to spot. It’s not emotionally complicated like the effects of instablity in the home, sigificant loss, or dramatic change. It’s ego, and we know it. In that very moment, we can whisper the words, “That’s nothing but pride. God, forgive me. Self, get over it.” If I’m by myself, I don’t whisper it. I say it out loud like I mean it. Pride is one of those roots that God can jerk up in a second. We just have to pry our sweet little fingers loose…. A clear heart and a clean path are still only one sincere confession away.