Weird vs People Pleasing

This morning I read a blog that completely backed up Jason’s sermon this past Sunday.  I want to share just a portion of it with you.  However you can read the entire blog at http://karenehman.com/home/2012/04/24/people-pleasing-passivity-overcommitment/

Today, lets look at two more reasons we crowd our calendars and have trouble getting everything accomplished; why we are resentful at the tasks we are doing (when….ahem….it seems others aren’t carrying their weight in the “doing” department).

I see two.

The first, (touched on by some of you in your comments yesterday) People pleasing.

We let the word “yes” roll off of our tongues without missing a beat; we sign up to help or volunteer to cook or make room for another outside commitment all because we are addicted to the approval of others.

Can I get an “Amen”?

Some of us will readily admit it. I am one such person. Yep, it is true. I want to be known as helpful, willing and capable.

It has caused me great heartache. Not only because I say “yes” too much and kick into overload but because when I do listen to God telling me to say “no” and do so, I disappoint people; make them mad. Then, well they go on and find another person who will say “yes” and I get left in the dust.

However, if someone just wants me as a friend so I will “do” and cares not for us just “being”, well then, do I really want them as a friend in the first place?

People-pleasing is a snare. It causes stress and tempts us to put our family behind others. You know, sign up to take a five course meal to another family who just had a baby or illness or death and then that night feed our own family leftovers or lunch meat sandwiches on stale bread.

Ouch! (Been there. Fed that.)

We have GOT to get to the place where we care more about obeying God than pleasing people. So, if through your walk with Him, He has clearly shown you that you are overcommitted and have no wiggle room available to take on one more thing, then politely decline and DO NOT FEEL GUILTY! (talkin’ to myself on that one!)

The Bible says in Proverbs 29:25 that, “The fear of man is a snare, but the one who trusts in the LORD is protected.” (HCSB)

What a word picture! Ever been tripped up in life, caught in a snare, all because you feared what someone would think of you if you said “no”?

We need to focus on the second half of that verse. If we trust in God, we will be protected. Our time will be protected. Our hearts and emotions will be protected.

Fear God, not man. (Or, in most cases, woman!)

As some of you know I have taken the month of April and committed it to taking care of my husband.  Well “the month of April” slowly boiled over into where we are now, half way through May.  However, I am thankful that I have taken this time to help Adam in the recovery process.  Even though there have been times when I really wanted to please others and do what THEY wanted me to do…

Just before this whole surgery process began I was challenged by Holly Furtick to remember that my ministry STARTS in my home first.  And I am thankful that I listened to those words.  I have been doing my best to minister to my family, and I am going to continue that task.  Even when our schedules refill to “normal” status and when meetings and “to-do lists” pile up, I want to please God by starting my ministry at home and letting it flow out from there.

Monday Morning Commentary- WEIRD

So its been awhile, I know… can I just say I’m sorry and we all move on?  I could give you a whole blog full of excuses– life’s been crazy busy (even in the midst of  putting my life on hold to focus on my husband’s recovery and spend LOTS of time with him)… I’ve got nothing to say… I’ve got too much to say and I don’t know where to start… but really, I won’t waste your time and mine on excuses.  So lets get right to a

My husband has not been preaching at Soma for the past 6 weeks, and it has all but killed the man.  He absolutely LOVES sharing God’s Word and the work God has been doing in his heart.  But I hear he is coming back, real soon!! 

And in his absence we have been hearing from one of the other GREAT preachers at GCC, Jason Galley.  I have loved hearing Jason’s heart these past few weeks that Adam and I have been able to attend.  God has really been teaching me through what Jason has shared. 

For the month of May, we have been hearing about how God wants us to be WEIRD, because normal isn’t working!  (This series was taken from Craig Groeschel’s book, titled Weird.)  Here are a few quotes I wanted to share from the past two weeks:

If you want what normal people have, do what normal people do.  But if you want what few people have, do what weird people do.

God created me to do MY OWN special kind of weird. 

Becoming obsessed with with what others think about me is the quickest way to forget what God thinks about me.

Don’t worry when others criticize you.  Worry when they don’t!

I know that I have alot of work to do to become the “God kind of weird” that He has called me to be.  This week I am hoping to focus on looking for MY OWN kind of weird and remembering to focus on what God thinks of me.

Thankful Thursday

A friend of mine is doing “Thankful Thursday” on her facebook wall.  It got me thinking of all the things I have to be thankful for today, so I decided to join her by posting a blog of all the things I am thankful for. If you would like to share something you are thankful for, feel free to comment (on here or fb).

#1- That my husband, Adam, is getting stronger every day as he recovers from back surgery.  (He has been home from the hospital for 1 week today)

#2- That a WONDERFUL group of ladies is providing meals for us for the next several weeks so that I do not have to worry about making dinner!

#3- That through this time of recovery, God has brought Adam and I closer to each other and I am falling more in love with him everyday.

#4- That our family is getting the opportunity to have some wonderful time together.  “Being home” is not something we get to do alot because our life is so busy and full.  However we are making the most of circumstances God has placed us in and we are using this time to grow closer as a family. 

#5- That we have a great group of friends who have been checking in on us to see if we need anything… like milk or bread or just a listening ear.  We have a great group of church family and friends who are surrounding us!

#6- A great job and boss who completely understands and is flexible enough so that when I need to be off, I can be.  (for Adam’s recovery and all the many ministry things I do!)

#7- A loving God who is giving me enough strength for each day.  Who forgives me when I mess up.  Who loves me enough to not leave me where I am, but helps grow me toward the woman He wants me to be. 

#8- A great set of friends who I am continuing to do my weight loss journey with.  We are encouraging each other throughout the day via facebook.  (Since my last “grace is melting” post, I have lost 5 lbs-  4/12-217.  This is not very much, considering I haven’t posted for several months, but the number is still going down, so I am happy about that.)

I will be adding things throughout the day today on my Facebook Wall.  I hope, if anything, this post makes you think of all the many blessings (or gifts)God has showered on you.  If your eyes are open to them, there will be too many to count!

The Body: Nutrition

Our church has been doing a series entitled “The Body.”  It has been a very challenging series so far.  Just as we can see how healthy our physical body is based on thes “signs of life” (you may remember this from biology class- MRS GRIN), we can tell how healthy the body of Christ is by those same signs of life. 

Jason preached on the first Sunday and he talked about Nutrition.  Just as our physical body can be malnurished, so can the body of Christ.  We can be spiritual anorexic by choosing to not feed on the word.  We can be spiritually bulimic by hearing God’s word yet refusing to apply it. 

I was really challenged by this thought Jason shared, “God does not want to move Christians from spiritual ignorance to spiritual knowledge.  He wants to move us from ignorance to obedience.” James 1:22 says “Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.”

Jason shared that one way to have spiritual nutrition is to mediate on God’s Word.  To do this you must hear God’s Word, study it, mediate on it and then eliminate any sin that you see as a result of hearing God’s word.  

I have noticed that blogging is one way that I apply and digest God’s Word.  I read or hear some truth and it strikes me to the core so far that I want to share it.  However, I tend to go through seasons of blogging well and then other things take it place.  This series has been so great, I hope to share the things that God is doing in my heart because of this series in the next few weeks. 

If you are in Georgetown this Sunday, you should come to Soma and hear the next message in the series.  If not, you can listen to this message and other the other messages in The Body series by going to

  http://soma-church.com/soma-videos/soma-messages/the-body/

And I would love to hear how God has challenged your heart with this message on Nutrition.

The LOVE Challenge

A few weeks back I was challenged by the ladies over at Leading & Loving It (http://www.leadingandlovingit.com) to do the following  Love Challenge: for the first 14 days of February we were challenged to find one way to show our husband that we love them in a unique way each day.  (This challenge could also be done for a child, parent, or friend– anyone we LOVE in our life.)

Now this was alot of fun, yet a big challenge for me.  First of all, I had to find something new and different for 14 days—that’s alot of ways to show love.  And second of all, we were challenged to do this in THEIR “love language”.  Again– BIG challenge, because I like to show Adam I love him in MY love language.  But that is not really loving well, that is a selfish way to love.  Now I can’t say that I pulled it off 100% perfectly, but I gave it my all!  And I was so proud of Adam… because on day 3 he finally caught on that something was going on.  And it was cute to watch him wait in anticipation to see how I would “love” him the next day. 

I guess the reason I wanted to share all this is a reminder to love well, with all you have and in that person’s love language.  If you would like to take this challenge for the 2nd half of the “love month” that would be great.  But maybe you could just take today to love someone well. 

Also, I wanted to encourage you all, no matter who you are- YOU ARE LOVED! God’s love is the best love there is and He loves us all.  No matter your situation.  No matter what sin you have going on in your life today.  No matter how others feel about you.  God LOVES you!

Destruction or Comfort

Last week I got the priviledge to attend a virtual women’s conference called JustOne.  If you are a pastor’s wife or a woman in ministry, I highly recommend attending.  There are 3 more weeks to attend.  So if you are interested, you can get more information by clicking http://leadingandlovingit.com/leadership/the-justone-conference/

I wanted to share a thought that has been stirring my soul for the past few days from Jenni Catron, one of the speakers.  She said “Our words can be a spark of destruction or a spark of comfort.“

I know this may not seem very life changing however, I have never really thought about my words in those two contrasting views- DESTRUCTION or COMFORT. 

The Bible has tons to say about how our words can cause destruction.  Here are a few of the verses Jenni shared:

    Proverbs 12:18a “The words of the reckless pierce like swords”

    Proverbs 15:4b “but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.”

    Ephesians 4:29a “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths”

    James 3:6 “The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. “

So if left unchecked our words can do the same destruction as a house fire.  Burning our life and the lives of those we love, straight to the ground.  I am guilty of using my words carelessly.  The old saying “Think before you speak” is so true.  Because when you speak without giving any thought to your words, you are allowing destruction to come. 

 However several of these verses have a second part that contrasts- telling us to use our words to give comfort and healing.

Proverbs 12:18b “but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

Proverbs 15:4a “The soothing tongue is a tree of life”

Ephesians 4:29b “but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

So in stark constrast, we have the ability to use our words to bring warmth into the lives of others, like a fireplace can do on a cold winter day.  However to do this, we must be intentional about the words we choose to use- to our spouse, to our children, to our friends, to our co-workers.  Even those we place on the internet via facebook, twitter or blogging have that very same power.  Using our words to bring healing and life, to build others up and benefit them is the way Christ would have us speak. 

Listen to Christ’s own words found in Luke 6:45, “A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.”

Wasting my Imagination

I have a friend who has been struggling with cancer for some time.  She has changed treatments multiple times because her body is having bad reactions to them.  The doctors have said that they are running out of treatments that will help her.  My response is to pray for a miraclous healing in her body.  And while praying for this healing I heard the song, God is Able by Hillsong.

God is Able, He will never fail, He is almighty God.  Greater than all we seek, Greater than all we ask, He has done great things.  Lifted up, He defeated the grave, Raised to life, Our God is able. In His name, we overcome, For the Lord, our God is able.  
God is with us, God is on our side, He will make a way.  Far above all we know, Far above all we hope, He has done great things.  Lifted up, He defeated the grave, Raised to life, Our God is able. In His name, we overcome, For the Lord, our God is able .
God is with us, He will go before, He will never leave us, He will never leave us.
God is for us, He has open arms, He will never fail us, He will never fail us.
Lifted up, He defeated the grave, Raised to life, Our God is able. In His name, we overcome, For the Lord, our God is able.
For the Lord, our God is able For the Lord, our God is able

 

Why is that I can very fervently believe that GOD IS ABLE to do something in a friend of mine’s life but then I spend my time “wasting my imagination” (aka worrying) that God can’t do the same thing in my life???? 

Are you feeling weak today??

Luke 8:18 says, “So pay attention to how you hear. To those who listen to my teaching, more understanding will be given. But for those who are not listening, even what they think they understand will be taken away from them.” 

Applying God’s Word helps us grow. This is a principle of growth in physical, mental, and spiritual life. For example, a muscle, when exercised, will grow stronger; but an unused muscle will grow weak and flabby. If you are not growing stronger, you are growing weaker; it is impossible for you to stand still. How are you using what God has taught you?

This is part of what I read this morning during my Bible reading and quiet time.  And I realized that perhaps I haven’t been doing much exercising and growing lately (this could apply to both my physical body and my spiritual one).  I go through seasons of doing really well and then not doing anything.  For some reason I am either hot or cold in this area.  But I ready to be out of this season of laziness.

I want to be reading and growing stronger in my relationship with the Lord.

I want to be exercising and growing stronger in my physical body.

But sometimes I am just plan LAZY.

However, I am also reminded that beating myself up is not that way to go.  And as my old youth minister would remind me, God’s grace is sufficient for me. (2 Corinthians 12:9) And His mercies begin afresh each morning. (Lamentations 3:23)

Here is a link to a great song, “More to See”

Marriage is…

“Marriage is not a lifelong attraction of two individuals to each other, but a call for two people to witness together God’s love. The basis of marriage is not mutual affection, or feelings, or emotions and passions that we associate with love, but a vocation, a being elected to build together a house for God in this world, to be like the two cherubs whose outstretched wings sheltered the Ark of the Covenant and created a space where Yahweh could be present…. The real mystery of marriage is not that husband and wife love each other so much that they can find God in each other’s lives, but that God loves them so much that they can discover each other more and more as living reminders of God’s presence.”                                                                                             -Henri Nouwen

Loving Well

I have started reading a new book. It is called Capturing His Heart by Lysa Terkeurst.

I wanted to share one thought from chapter 1 that really resonated with me today. And now you may have heard it (or something similar) before. I know I have. But maybe you are like me, and have amnesia when it comes to things like this…

Instead of trying to be a good wife to win my husband’s approval, trying to be a good mom to win my kid’s approval, trying to be a good friend to win my friend’s approval, I now simply try to please God. I seek only His favor and follow His precepts. In doing this I am a good wife, a good mom, and a good friend.

I could add many other titles to those things I try to be good at- like daughter, host mom, sister, employee, mentor, Pastor’s wife, volunteer, etc. But when I try doing it on my own- without realizing that I must live for an audience of One- I always come up short.

Oh the freedom this thought can bring if we let it.

Dear God, help me to live to please You alone. Help me to see how to please You alone. And please let all the other roles in my life fall into place because I have my eyes fixed on You. Amen.